Sunday, December 29, 2013

So, Now What?

















As the sun begins to set on 2013, I have a few confessions to make. While the beginning of 2013 started out well, during the last few months I've found myself in a pit of sorts. I began soaring atop a beautiful mountain focused on God. In August, I faced challenges I was not prepared to deal with. I thought I could stay the course and continue to persevere. Instead, I fell and I fell hard. My addiction is food. When stress comes my way, I eat and I eat constantly. It does not have to taste good, nor do I need to be hungry.

I knew it was happening and it was as if I could not stop myself. I was fully aware of my actions and what I needed to do differently, but I could NOT gather the strength to get up and move forward. The greatest problem with my pattern are all the "I's." You see, I will NEVER be able to do this on my own. Somewhere along the way I began feeding my pain with food and not God and His word.

Over the last few weeks, my health has declined all due to weight gain and chemicals from processed and unhealthy foods. Christmas day I found myself flat of my back in pain. I was forced to stay home while Doug enjoyed visiting both grand-babies for several hours each. While he played with their new toys and loved on each of them, I lay in the bed with two fur babies praying.

As I prayed I was reminded of several important facts:

~God loves me just as much when I am in the pit as He does when I am faithfully running the race of life accomplishing what He sets before me.
~I absolutely can NOT do this alone! No Way! No How!
~I must trust God when things are going well, but most importantly I must trust Him when things fall apart.

Okay, so what now? 

~I've began again! I began by repenting!
~I've committed to trust God for each moment of each day!

First BIG test:

Last night I was feeling pretty good about making it through two days successfully. I made wise choices while clinging to my Lord for TWO DAYS. TWO DAYS is a long time for someone who can barely make it from one moment to the next without going back to old habits. I am one breath away from a relapse and I realize it.

While sitting in bed with both dogs, Sitka and Trouble reading my Bible, and writing in my journal I faced fear of relapse. My handsome husband brought a big bag of Cheetos and sat beside me. He opened the bag and begins eating.

There were so many things going through my mind:

~For real, Cheetos???
~What are you thinking?
~Are you trying to sabotage me?
~Doug doesn't bring food to bed, why? especially now? why?

Then I realized, I had asked God to forgive me and begged Him to help me. I acknowledged I could not do this alone and HE was my only hope to succeed. I proclaimed to my Lord that I was all in, fully committed. I admit it was pretty easy to confess and proclaim my trust until temptation came in the form of a bag of Cheetos to my bed of all places and escorted by a handsome old man. Temptations come when we are least expecting them. Many times they are carried by an unknowing messenger who has no desire to test our faith or commitment. It's not about the person holding the temptation. It's about me and my relationship with God.

Back to the NOW WHAT:

Just when I was ready to reach for the Cheetos, I began to think about my commitment to trust God when things were going well and when things were not going so well. Instead of going for the Cheetos, I grabbed my pen and began writing a prayer in my journal. I poured out my heart to God. I begged Him to help me. The more I unloaded my feelings the more I realized I did NOT want those nasty Cheetos. I want more of GOD. I want to be a usable vessel. I want to be healthy in every way, but most especially spiritually and I promised to allow Him to use my weakness to help others.

Recognizing my spiritual health is vital to my physical and emotional health is a huge step. So, here I am sharing an article full of run on sentences and jumbled thoughts, praying my journey will help someone else who is struggling.

Verse of HOPE:

"I can do all this through him who gives me strength."
Philippians 4:13 NIV

By His mercy and in the grip of His grace,

Andrea Bowling Perdue

14 comments:

Mevely317 said...

Andrea, you've no idea the chord your words have struck! This year (or two, actually) food has been there to quiet stress, calm the fear and pain. Heck, it's been right there in times of celebration. My best-friend ... NOT!

... And I thought I was the only one.
Thank you for these words! I'm going to save this for times when my resolve is shaky.

Hugs and Happy New Year!
Myra (aka Mevely317)

RCUBEs said...

Seems like we're on the same page to be more realistic this new year. And that is for our good Lord to examine our hearts and reveal it to us. We are humans and we do need His strength to accomplish anything. I know you can. Because that's what pleases Him every time. A broken heart...May you remain strong in the Lord's mighty power. Happy New Year to you sister and I will keep you in my prayers. Love you in Christ.

Crown of Beauty said...

Thank you for sharing, dear friend. God has given me special blog friends, and you are one of them. I walk this journey with you, Andrea. Hugs, Lidia

donna said...

I love your transparency in sharing....thank you! (Popped over here from a link from Lidia) Nice to meet you.

Heart2Heart said...

Andrea,

I am right where you are and am finding that I have the strength to persevere in some issues but not when it comes to food. In claiming this will be the year that this comes to an end for me, I will do what you are and cling to God. Each day I succeed is one less that I fail and with God's strength I can march right through 2014 with renewed health both spiritually and physically. Let's help one another through this storm.

Love and Hugs ~ Kat

Sharon said...

Such honesty, and such inspiration in your sharing. You are helping so many of us, Andrea, with your courageous honesty and commitment to beat the battle with food. (I have to admit, Cheetos are also a downfall of mine).

Your words are encouraging, for each one of us has a battle to face, and we cannot do it without the Lord's help.

May this be a year of victory for you - and for all of us. For all things with God are "HIM-possible!"

GOD BLESS!

Sharon said...

OK, you're gonna love this. When I went to post my above comment, one of the word verification words was "lordship."

Amen.

GOD IS SO GOOD!!

bluecottonmemory said...

I understand about food being a stress-reliever valve - I battle that, too - and you are so right. I need to give it to Him - because He can help me where I cannot. Wishing you blessing this year - refreshing after the challenge. Those challenges can sure pack a punch! Thank you for sharing your heart and your encouragement!

Trisha said...

Andrea, don't be too hard on yourself, God loves you just the way you are, you don't have to be a size 10 or any certain size. Many years ago I had to take chemo and went down to a size 4, when I finaly was able to eat again, my dear mother-in-law would always say 'let her eat' no one could ever say anything about how much I was eating around her, because she remembered the rough times. Blessings, Trisha

Cecelia said...

Resist, resist, those Cheetos! God will give you the will! I enjoyed reading your blog post.

~Cecelia Dowdy~
http://ceceliadowdy.com/blog/

Alleluiabelle said...

Thank you for being real and continuing to be such an encouragement to all of us. I haven't been in the blogging world for a bit. I've been in a period of adjustment and so much more with the loss of my husband. I experience so many deep emotions, but they haven't been able to flow down to my fingertips to write.

Know that I am praying for you dear friend. You continue to be such a treasure in my eyes.

Hugs,
Alleluiabelle

Sonja Goodson said...

Down with cheetos!!!

Hi Andrea, it's been a long time since I've visited. This was such an honest and inspiring blog. It's a familiar struggle to so many, and you are doing just the right thing! Yep... you tell God what you have done, what you are doing, and what you want to keep doing. He hears it all, and help is right there, for each one of us.

I'm lifting you up right now... cheetos be gone!! :)

Sonja

GodsOwn/Bernice said...

Came over to your blog Andrea..And your post encouraged me......Craving Food and not excersising enough is also my weak spot.I'm in te MTC book again since beginning of this year and joining the bible study group over at p31 is my next step......When i'm struggling i will think i'm not the only one and will also pray for you!
Have a great week!
Bernice

Cook S said...

i like your all pople comment love it
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